File #3
“What are you going to teach your kids about hell?”
This is a stressful one for a lot of us who are experiencing shifts in our faith.
How can we provide a stable foundation for our children when we don’t feel stable ourselves?
Cruelly, the timing of faith deconstruction quite often coincides with the timing of having young children and that adds another serving of anxiety to the whole thing.
The way I see it, you’ve got 2 options:
Pass on a faith of black and whites, easy answers and shallow certainties. In other words, fake it ‘til you make it. Pass on the kind of approach to faith you were given as a child and just hope your kids don’t pull at all the same threads you have. I think this is a vote for letting history repeat itself.
Model a complex, inquisitive, MESSY faith and let your kids in on the big secret from the start : nobody has it all figured out.
You can probably tell I’m biased towards the second option. Why would I train my kids to be tiny fundamentalists when that hasn’t ultimately worked for me?
I want to share from my own experience of what life with Jesus is like, rather than some set script I’m supposed to be reading from.
I want to show my kids a secure spirituality that is comfortable with loose threads and “I don’t know”.
I don’t think there is any long term viability in me pretending that the life of faith is about having all the answers when I don’t have them myself.
Faith, for me, is about trusting Jesus when you DON’T have the answers.
So I’ll try to model that posture.
It’s important to note that the main difference in my upbringing and that which I’ll pass along is basically down to posture - the way I will present Christianity. I will still, in fact, present Christianity.
We will still be sharing the stories of the Bible.
We will be immersing our household in the teachings of Jesus and the other authors of scripture.
We will sing hymns, psalms and spiritual songs.
This is my tradition - one I’ve found to contain treasures.
I want the beautiful heirlooms of my life with Jesus to move forward into the next generation.
It would be sad if we let our fears of passing on a toxic religion stop us from leaving any kind of legacy at all.
I think we need a sense of heritage and to understand why our family values the things that it does. Where we come from spiritually and morally. It’s a defining plot line in our story.
I just want it to be known that in our house questions and dissent are encouraged. When we read Noah I want our kids to be able to say, “I hate that story - it makes God seems mean.” and for us to be able to unpack that without having to get them to toe the party line or crying blasphemy.
To me this wrestle IS faith - not the absence of it.
Which brings us back to the question of hell.
I’m not going to make it a huge focus to be honest - love will be the focal point.
But I’ll show my kids what the Old Testament has to say about the afterlife (not much!)
I’ll point them towards Jesus’ words on the subject (which are much more developed but far from a precise play by play of what happens when we die).
I’ll let them know what the early church thought and the range of opinions held by the church today.
And then I’ll level with them and say that I don’t know exactly how it all works. But that I trust Jesus and know that whatever lies behind this mystery, it’s full of love, compassion, wisdom and justice. Because, in my experience and my tradition, that’s just who he is.
Big news! Full album, ‘Honest’ releases this Friday!
8 brand new tracks and a cohesive journey rather than just a randomized smattering of singles - albums are the ultimate way to experience music!
The Honest Devotional!
Starting on launch day, September 1st, I’m going to be delivering a daily devotional on having an honest faith for 7 days!
Themes are :
Honest doubt
Honest worship
Honest anger
Honest depression
Honest faith
Honest disappointment
Honest hope
This could be a great time to share The Honest Files with a friend you think needs to hear this stuff!
Some stuff I’ve been enjoying:
Dreaming about the return of flannels and fall clothes!
I love Huckberry for all my aspiring Paul Bunyan fashion needs!
Like this beauty!
https://huckberry.com/store/faherty-brand/category/p/81151-surf-flannel-shirt
Patrick Droney’s new record :
These sick gym shorts
:
https://www.legends.com/products/bishop-short-dusty-sage-checker?variant=42618616021164¤cy=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&nbt=nb%3Aadwords%3Ax%3A19527806109%3A%3A&nb_adtype=pla&nb_kwd=&nb_ti=&nb_mi=213768045&nb_pc=online&nb_pi=shopify_US_7644607676588_42618616021164&nb_ppi=&nb_placement=&nb_li_ms=&nb_lp_ms=&nb_fii=&nb_ap=&nb_mt=&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=%7Bcampaign%7D&utm_content=&utm_term=&campaignid=19527806109&adgroupid=&adid=&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIufOWpe76gAMVJDHUAR13Ug03EAQYASABEgKIkfD_BwE
Big fan of whimsy in my gym attire.
Questions!
Don’t forget: your questions are the fuel source of this project!
Leave a question in the comments or in my Instagram DMs and maybe next week it’ll be your turn!
Love this perspective, Chris. I came into deconstruction in my late 30s when my kids were teens, so I honestly was having faith shifts alongside them. I wish I had been able to have this mindset when my kids were small, but I’m also thankful for the conversations I have with them now.
Chris, thank you for being willing to tackle such a tough topic honestly. I worry sometimes that my tendency to categorize things as black and white/right and wrong/true and false may have given my kids the wrong idea that faith was about being certain of everything we believe. As I’ve gotten older and God has softened some of my rough edges, I’m becoming much more comfortable with “I don’t know for sure” as a viable answer.