File #4
“I don’t feel safe or like I belong at my church anymore so I no longer go. But the Bible says not to stop meeting together…what should I do? “
If you don’t feel safe, you shouldn’t go.
Let’s start there.
There is no place in the Bible that tells you to keep showing up somewhere that is hurting you. Only abusers tell us that there is a spiritual imperative to show up and continue to be victimized - there’s no gospel, no good news, in that story.
The context of that verse is Jesus’ imminent return. The disciples thought that Jesus was coming back SOON - like next week kind of soon. So they were stopping meeting together because, well what’s the point, this whole thing is going to be over by the weekend. Or so they thought.
Paul was responding to that ,saying no, we need to stay focused and together as a community, in view of the return of Jesus.
No backdrop of abuse. Or church hurt. It’s not about persevering in an unsafe environment.
Now let’s imagine you don’t really feel “unsafe” as much as you feel like a poor fit in the community.
Even if it’s a case of just feeling like you need some space to process, I think it doesn’t do any harm to take a considered break from the church context to do that.
We all need our time in the wilderness. Jesus certainly did.
Good things can happen when we create a little distance for a season.
Ecclesiastes puts it like this - “there’s a time for everything, and season for every activity under the sun.”
I think most of the time it’s obvious that as social creatures, we are better off spiritually in the context of community. That’s just common sense.
But equally it’s common sense to know not to push this to extremes and to not be so rigid as to allow for exceptions.
There’s not point talking about amazing grace all the time if we don’t plan adopt grace as a lifestyle - most of us can afford to go a little easier on ourselves.
I think it’s as simple as allowing yourself the permission to make grown up decisions. You can take a break from church if you want to. You’ll temporarily miss out on the power of community to support your spiritual life. But you might gain perspective or healing. It’s your decision. Feel empowered. Trust your gut - I think that’s how the Spirit speaks to us most of the time.
Whatever you decide, know that God doesn’t need you to be in church to be wildly in love with you. The love of God is scandalous enough to follow you right out of the pew.
Things I’m enjoying RN:
This weird back stretchy thing they have at my gym:
I don’t care who you are, you need a good back crack every once in a while. And I’m not sponsored!
Jervis Campbell’s New Album:
Finally here!
Hopeful Hearts Club is full of wall to wall bangers. I had him over to the house over the summer and we cooked up something really nice which I hope to release in due time!
REALLY GREAT PODCAST INTERVIEW:
I very rarely have the level of trust and relationship with an interviewer that I have with Sam Hailes. I’ve known him for over 10 years and he asks the BEST questions.
THANK YOU for this. Why doesn't the church allow us to make adult decisions? When it doesn't, it takes down millions of people that just completely turn away. It is heartbreaking. This post was not. So again, thank you.
This has been one of the hardest things for me to come to terms with. Much of the evangelical church equates attendance with holiness and a right standing with God. I do believe in the concept of Christian community - it just looks a bit different for me at the moment. So many layers to this thing called the church. Thanks for peeling one of them back.